So… my girl is out of town and I’m the lonely guy for a week… which probably has nothing to do with why this week’s video is all about masturbation…
Is there a right way and a wrong way to masturbate?
Can masturbation effect your ability to perform sexually?
Look: ALL guys jerk off, so you may has well know the truth about masturbation, porn, and your sex life.
Choke the chicken…
spank the monkey…
beat the meat…
flog the log…
being your own best friend…
Got more? Add ’em to the comments below! Oh, and feel free to add any serious comments or questions as well!
To take the “Porn Addiction Self Assessment Test” Go Here >>
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All I can say is this is all true. I’ve been growing up watching porn since the first moment of my puberty and I had alot of problems finding a real girl to have sex with for most of my life. I had little to no libido with real women and I developed alot of insecurity around it. I ended up having the same reflection as you on the subject and as a result, the only time in my life I had good sex with a women where the result of stoping to watch porn for a month or more every time. Unfortunatly it’s very hard to be diciplined about it, porn is around every corner of the internet and it takes enormous willpower to stay away from it. Anyway all I can say is that it’s worth it to make an effort and it’s really a life changer.
Hey Mat, thanks for your vulnerability and integrity.
I believe that porn is one of the hardest addictions to give up because of its ready availability, it’s connection to BOTH the dopamine cycle AND your primal urge for sexual satisfaction. The only thing that is probably harder is over-eating… Eating is an insidious addiction because you can’t go cold turkey. Gotta eat every day. Crack, on the other hand, you can avoid in your life much more easily than porn.
Glad you seem to be on the other side. Like all addiction, it’s a daily re-commitment.
Thank you mat.
Hi Alex,
As always, I enjoy your tips and information of each topic you cover. There are, I believe alot of postives on masturbation, eg, keeping your penis in great shape by masturbating, just like going to the gym and working out. Another postive is training yourself to the point of almost of no return then getting hard again, giving you the ability to stay harder longer and satisfy your woman.
Yep! I love masturbation! Like Woody Allen said: “It’s making love with someone I actually love.”
I love a glass of wine with dinner too. Both are part of my healthy and happy lifestyle. And both can be abused.
Thanks for sticking up for the hand!
FANTASTIC VIDEO!! You’ve given such a dose of straight truth it could transform the sexual pleasure shared by couples in a profound way. I’ve been a relationship coach for 35 years and I have seen a lot of the issues you discuss here and the way you are with the subject of male masturbation is interesting and immensely helpful. I hope men and women will heed your wisdom and discuss what you have talked about here.
Men want to think of themselves as great lovers but, the kind of “sexual laziness” you have illuminated prevents them from BEING great lovers.
Thank you very much.
Layne
Thanks Layne, I appreciate you highlighting that “sexual laziness.” It’s a tough one for men to realize because it lives in the area of “what we don’t know that we don’t know.”
If men had a clear map of how to BE with a woman during sex, and if they had a clear vision of how they would like love-making to unfold… their own vision based on their own desires… and then acted on them and created that sexual experience… women LOVE that. But for many men, having this arranged for them in our over-sexualized world of entertainment, they just don’t know where to begin.
For many men, the idea of creating what they want in the bedroom is scary and feels like an area in which they could be rejected or humiliated.
(HINT: A good woman might know how to coax this out of him!)
Wow…..after years and years of only hearing about women and masterbation,we FINALLY get some advice and even help for what I believe is THE biggest problem in male sexuality. I am in my 50’s and this is the first plain language, direct and logical explanation for a serious issue I have faced most of my life. It has wrecked my relationships including a 27 year marriage set up by this very issue in the first place. It has trampled my self-esteem and harmed many I have cared about.
I have suffered from what the term ED all my life. I have almost no libido, little ability to achieve a natural erection and almost never reach orgasm with my girlfriend. She is very attractive and extremely sexual so I was disturbed as to why I had any problem at all.
I was obsessed with masterbation as a child as a result of what can only be described as sexual abuse by an adult when I was around eleven. He made me to do it in front of him while he did it at the same time. I was physically incapable of orgasms or ejaculation so naturally it screwed up my head. the result was a serious case of performance anxiety that still haunts me today. I must use various pharmaceuticals and porn to achieve either now.
Alex, I don’t see anything in these videos that makes you look like a con-man out to make a buck. You don’t even ask for anything at the end. You are “genuine” and I can’t thank you enough.
I will take your advice. Even if it doesn’t help me with those very symptoms you described( it was like you knew me) I sincerely appreciate what you are doing for us men. As for my girlfriend, Jason J. has made that a non-issue. And he linked me to you. So thank him for me as well.
Neil
Hey Neil, I’m around the same age as you, and I can promise you that you can undo the ED and ejaculation issues without pills or porn.
Someone mentioned the YourBrainOnPorn.com website… you should check it out. 3 strict months of no porn and no masturbation will work miracles for you.
And, yep, I love Jason. He knows his stuff!
Hey Alex,
I’ve gone through an incredible journey which relates to this directly.
I went about three years in my early twenties unable to ejaculate during sex. Ever.
Unlike the many legions of men who talk to you, I have recovered almost completely. I now almost 100% back to normal for about a year and a half. A big part of my success HAS been to quit porn cold turkey. I’ve also gotten several other guy friends to quit porn as well.
I have done a lot of research around this area, and I have even done some consulting for delayed ejaculation. I am not trained in anything other than experience and research, but I’d LOVE the opportunity to share my story with you over a podcast or something like that.
I think it would be a good addition to your community.
If you’re interested, send an email to the the one in this comment. It can be 100% non promotional or whatever you want. I am more interested in sharing my ideas on this subject than anything else.
Thanks!
I would be very interesting to learn your expirience about delayed ejeculation. Thank you in an advance.
Thanks JP, sounds like you’ve got an inspiring story. I’ve helped a lot of guys to recover from their inability to ejaculate, and it’s definitely a big issue. I’ll connect with you by email.
SK… not to just use this to plug my stuff… but you might want to check out my Command & Control Ejaculation Domination program. It really digs into every aspect of ejaculation and orgasm in a way that works better than anything else I’ve seen. I’m very proud of the track-record we’ve had with it.
Alex Allman what a shame that miss pam and her five friends are abused all to often.
They are great both ways for delayed ejavulation and the opposite
The younger I start 21 years old here ahem……
Thanks Alex,
You’re speaking the truth. I appreciate that you are willing to talk about the debilitating aspects of porn and are recommending ways to recover from it’s effects.
This is the absolute truth! Physiologically, mentally, and emotionally. There is a great resource that deals with this exact issue that is changing mens’ lives and giving them their masculinity and sexuality back. It called YourBrainOnPorn.com. As a follower of you and a reader of your material, I would appreciate you spending more time addressing this issue. Ultimately, your material is all about relationships, love, and sexual love. And this truth can restore for men the parts of that recipe that have gone bad in their lives.
Thanks my friend. I’m actually working on a book on the subject. It’s taking quite a bit of research into addiction recovery. I LOVE the YourBrainOnPorn website. Some friends pointed it out to me a year ago and they offering fantastic information and support.
Hello Alex, I was just wondering if recalling previous sexual encounters with a woman is ok or is it just as counterproductive as net-porn?
Hey Chad, just to be clear… there’s no such thing as “wrong” here and it’s ALL ok… everyone gets to masturbate (or not) in any way they like.
The issue is… if doing it a certain way is affecting your romantic life, people might want to know and they might want to make a different choice. (Just clearing that up for those watching the conversation… you probably already get that).
Now, as to your question… I’m sure it’s great. If you want to recall it, chances are it was great sex for you, so it’s hard for me to figure out how that wouldn’t be good for you in terms of repetitive practice on your neurology.
In all of these cases it’s not something that is going to be a problem once a while. If a married guy makes love to his wife every night and watches porn once a month, it’s not likely to affect him. If he watches porn every day and makes love to his wife once a month… um… might be doing some damage there.
Hi Alex,
I have listened to your video with great interest. My boyfriend who is in his mid 50’s, has only had intercourse with me on 3 occasions, over the last 8 months. He watches porn and masturbates regularly and loves me to ‘play’ with him too, though it seems more commonplace now, when he is drunk. I am not sure if he can have a normal sexual relationship….he has, in the past, been involved in swinging groups when he wanted sex without commitment, and am n ot sure if this too, has affected his ability now
Sounds like a tough situation to be in.
I feel quite certain that he CAN have a normal sexual relationship… just like I’m sure that an alcoholic CAN decide to remain sober.
Will he? I don’t know. It’s a lot of work and he’s got to want it. Often a man doesn’t realize how much better his life can life can be if done a different way… especially if that different way starts out being difficult!
However, he is not meeting your needs you might consider having a conversation with him about it. Life is short, and it seems a shame to spend it romantically entangled with someone who only makes love to you 3 times in 8 months.
Thanks for this video. I was actually in a debate about this myself about a week ago. I asked myself should I ‘spank the monkey’ while watching porn or on my own? I decided to use my imagination. I thought it was the healthier choice. Now with the second challenge, I am a healthy 22-year-old guy who loves sex, and got into the whole giving women orgasms the next time I sleep with one. But It hasn’t happened yet and what I keep noticing is that a lot of younger woman(girls) hit on me and like to hang out with me(I’ve learned the secrets to woman’s sexuality) Its made it much easier to understand and speak with them but these chicks want sex with older guys because they have personally told me the guys their age don’t know any better. The challenge is me accepting them. I personally do not want to have a relationship with them, I am way to mature for them(I need an intellectual woman) so no relationship can come into fruition from it so I know by doing it with them it would lead to nowhere except maybe female stalkers. I ‘spank the monkey’ to release my sexual tension and not give in to these chicks who are craving sex from older ‘know what they are doing’ guys. With it all being said, I will take in the information you gave out in the video. Maybe abstaining from masturbation to a point of course, You made me conscious of how much I’m doing this act lately so my challenge is to masturbate less and to stay away from unhealthy sex with young woman to simply satisfy my needs.
Thanks Alex Allman
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Wow Alex! Very interesting video. The last man I was with would sometimes ejaculate with me but many times he would need to finish himself off with his hand. That’s never happened to me in prior sexual relationships. He noted it was something he has dealt with for many many years (he is 51). I never even thought of asking him about porn and masturbation. But, it makes sense. A side note, I was NEVER into porn. But, recently, I started watching free porn clips for the sole purpose of seeing how different sexual positions work, how people are at ease with their bodies sexually, etc… I was married for 19 years, now divorced for two and have discovered I am a true sexual being. (The last 4 years of marriage=no sex) so I feel like I am making up for lost time. With that being said, with each sexual experience, I have become more accepting of my body, the way it looks, the way it feels, etc… When I watch porn, I actually place myself in the role of the female, how would I react, how would I sound, etc…it’s been very interesting to say the least. I maturbate daily (in the shower) with “my favorite purple toy.” And I have found that watching little bits of porn has made masturbation time more erotic and pleasurable with my thoughts. So, I guess I use bits of porn for more of an educational purpose. But, I can definitely see how men would get addicted to masturbation porn conditioning.
Again, interesting video! I still have have your video clip from the Tantra Chair! My favorite….maybe that was my first insight to porn….well not really but kind of 🙂
You always provide great info! THANKS
Forgot to add: I have heard men say they need their daily visit with ROSIE PALMER……
Skin the carrot
…the only person who played along!
Burping the worm and celebrating palm sunday
As a subscriber who finds himself returning to Revolutionary Sex time and time again, I can safely say you have greatly influenced my life for the better… but this time, I really think you saved me. I believe I’m at the precipice of a cliff many men my age (21) are also at, but I’m about to back away, and I have you to thank.
In short, I have a number of symptoms of porn addiction, but I’ve have never descended into severe addiction because I’ve always had a girlfriend. I didn’t go through what some of my friends have, which is years and years of single-life and daily masturbation with porn and no real sex. On the other hand, despite my relationships I have maintained regular use of porn and regular masturbation, which has come with decreased sensitivity and occasional ED.
I developed the ED after coming out of serious relationship, and had a very embarrassing one-night-stand episode where I couldn’t keep it up. Ultimately I overcame my very premature ED not by curbing porn, but by following your instructions to stay in the moment and focus on the girl. Now I have no problems performing for my longtime girlfriend, but I know it still isn’t perfect – I stay hard, but the sensitivity isn’t all there. Taking away porn and rewiring my brain has got to be the final step.
Starts tonight. Some sites recommend complete abstinence from orgasm, but since I’m never really compelled to think of porn during intercourse I think I can successfully replace my masturbation with sex. I’m aiming for a month of 100% orgasms through intercourse with absolutely no porn. We’ll see how it goes.
Hey Robert, it sounds to me like you have a fantastic and healthy attitude and nothing to worry about. I doubt very much that you need to abstain from orgasm, particularly at your age.
It’s worth knowing (and I wish someone had told me), that it is perfectly normal that healthy young men occasionally don’t get hard, even when aroused. It’s the psychological significance that some men put on it when it happens that can cause the mischief.
In any case, it sounds like you’re building the foundations for a lifetime of deeply satisfying intimacy.
Alex – I cannot watch the video, but I have read the comments and would like to add my two cents.
First, I read and hear so often the advice: “Stop masturbating, so that you regain sexual power”. I have tried this, too, but I don’t see the point in this. The more sexually active I am, the hornier I become. Therefore I really have doubts about these “Be abstinent for a month”-type of advice. This may not work for everybody! I certainly belong to a different group that you may want to label “Use it or lose it”! I liked Tony’s comment ón this, too.
Second, I have had my “porn masturbation phases” too… you look for hours for that perfect picture to jack off etc. This has never had an impact on my relationships, but it annoyed me that sometimes when I was so tired that I should get too bed I still remained wake up for another hour just for watching porn – and the mind clears only once it’s over. However, I have lost all my interest in porn once I started to find out about and do pick-up. Pick-up is so much more interesting and exciting (it is real in the end, right!). Nowadays, I watch porn maybe once a month or so, but I find it quite boring. Once men know how dating works and can enjoy it, there is a good chance that their focus changes, too.
Cheers!
Hi Alex!
I belive that I have had some issues that nearly no one have had before. I was single for a long time, and I begun watching very early. When I got in an relationship I was with a girl who was very very beautiful. I stopped watching since she did not like it. But again she did not like me watching other women, on normal film, out on the street, on ads or anything. And I understand that, I don’t want her to do the same. I am a Scandinavian (not writing english on daily basis, sorry for the grammar), I have over average IQ and with that I have notice that nearly every man have an in build reaction that make them turn and watch women’s everywhere, when you do that the women you notice will at one’s if she think’s a little bit high of her self, she will think that you see her as beautiful or sexy or cute, just something positive. When you think about it if a women watch you, you always think of the possibility that she have something for you. So I have learned to disable that reaction and I really tried hard, I know I tried harder than MOST men would have done, when I was with her doing something and when I was alone I did it. When a women, pops up on the internet, in a movie, or walking by on the street I don’t watch. But after 6 months in our relationship i started having BIG issues. I had wet dreams at minimum ones a weak, i could have it up to 4 times a weak, and it was other women then her. When we watched a normal movie at the theater and a girl who I wouldn’t think good about before her, i started to feel sexual attraction to that person, someone I didn’t find sexy at all. She broke up with me 1 year and 7 months in the relationship, I was good to her, did many things for her, help her when she was sad, i spent more money on her than my self (and much much more) she was great and she learned me so much about life and everything. I did many things a normal guy wouldn’t do but after many things in our relationship she didn’t feel sexy and i understand that… it’s now over three monte since she broke up, i have tried watching porn and such since i think that had much to do with everything since i never got attracted to things on a movie or anything before. But i still have so many issues. I get attracted to things I think is ugly, things I don’t like. It so frustrating, I have had so many thoughts about going to a psychologist. I want to be a good guy, i want to meet my next lover and be able to be a great guy. Not watching every women that passes by, seeing a movie and don’t care about it. I don’t want to have problems with seeing a normal movie and then get wet dreams, i have tried stopping masturbating, but then i get wet dreams. It’s actually hard to stop masturbating, i want to, really, really. I still have wet dreams nearly every week. and I keep fighting the dreams I’m having. It had been more easy telling this trough a phone but i wouldn’t want you to use so much time on me. Do you have any suggestions? I understand if you don’t because you have probably never heard of such a problem before…
Hey Mask, there are so many complex and layered ideas here, and I probably can’t answer all of it, but I do believe I can give you some solid help here…
Look, it doesn’t take a high IQ to notice that men like looking at pretty girls!
What I hope you will take from me is that there is nothing WRONG with that. There is nothing wrong with your desires. They are all human, male, biological, normal, and GOOD. Sexual desire is something to enjoy, not something to surpress and put into the closet.
When a man notices a beautiful woman and feels good about it, he’ll get a smile and she’ll feel good, and he’ll be sending her a little psychic, “thanks for making my day brighter!”
When a man notices a beautiful woman and feels guilty or wrong about it, she feels creepy and it’s unwelcome, and then he feels rejected and it reinforces his feelings that his desire is unwelcome and wrong.
Your ex girlfriend was insecure and manipulative and controlling. Not because she was a bad person, by the way, but because of her own issues, needs, desire for love, fear of abandonment. We are all so human in the end, and we’re all just doing the best we can!
The problem for you is that you let her manipulate you and convince you that you were wrong.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation and you should embrace it! Why are you trying not to??
There is nothing wrong with wet dreams! Why don’t you allow yourself to enjoy the turn-on and the power of your male desire as a gift?
There is nothing wrong with looking at beautiful women, in real life or the cover of a magazine, or a movie… and feeling that delicious rush of desire and turn-on, and that erotic aliveness that characterizes powerful, masculine, comfort with being a sexual animal.
There is nothing wrong with finding yourself attracted to things you think are ugly! Attraction is attraction and arousal is natural, and your ability to feel complicated sorts of attraction is healthy and good.
Mask, there is only one thing you must work on, and you must work on it powerfully, intelligently, artfully, rigorously, and directly… and if you do, everything else in your life is going to be simply amazing and beautiful:
Self acceptance
Self acceptance
Self acceptance.
Meditate on how you can accept yourself exactly as you are, more and more every single day.
Can going to strip clubs a lot have the same effect on not being able to ejaculate
Humans are complex… and plenty of men can watch porn with little negative effect. So I assume that many negative things could flow from spending too much time in strip clubs (especially for the dancers by the way! but that’s for another post…).
All that said, because going to strip clubs does not involve the release or orgasm and dopamine, and because it’s not a solitary activity with zero participation, and because most folks just can’t spend the hours at a strip club that they can in front of their computer unless they won the lottery… it’s unlikely to have the same consequences.
But like I said: Humans are complex.
Finally had the chance to watch this video. What an eye opener. I have been with this man for 4 years. He watches and masturbates to an extreme amount of porn. His favorite is white women with african/american men. Over the past year he cannot climax with me unless I talk about how much I want to be with a black man and what I want him to do to me. I am not comfortable with this, because it does not ring true for me, plus the fact that it is an ego crusher that he is no longer aroused by me (or so it seems). He also is pushing for a threesome with an african/american man. It is becoming a deal breaker for me, unfortunately, as I no longer look forward to being intimate with him. Thank you for clearing up a very confusing issue for me. This video was very informative.
Alex,
as usuaul you are right on the money with your video. I, Like you grew up in that era of playboy and fantasy. as internet didn”t exist. Your comments of porn addiction are interesting and true, there have been times i have felt as i was addicted and i ask myself again if i am, yet i have found that it does little to arouse me apart from the pleasure of seeing some beautiful or not naked women.
Great video……….. thanks
I call it setting the sheets on fire.
When I was younger I always used to go down in the basement to masturbate.
The coldness, the darkness, the hard metal of the freezer, it all turned me on like crazy.
Nowadays I stick to masturbating in bed. Most of the times I imagine getting fucked and dominated, because that supercharges my orgasms. I think this has something to do with all of that “TANTRA” stuff you have been telling me about in Command & Control.
If you imagine real domination, your entire body gets dominated. So your entire body gets sexually charged and your orgasm will have you flopp around like a fish, while a “let me imagine f***ing a girl and dominating her”-orgasm fails to charge anything else, then my dick and my butt-muscles at best. Maybe when I put enough effort in figuring out your Tantra stuff I will actually be able to enjoy dominating as much as I do being dominated. I definetly need that for women. They’re not too enthusiastic on dominating.
Hm, now that I think about it, I guess that whole “down in the cold basement”-thing was Tantra, too. Funny how I used this stuff to get great orgasms and I had no Idea, how it worked. Now I know and knowing is half the battle ; ) Thanks Alex.
Btw if you last name is really all man, I’ll eat my hat : )
Well said Alex – I can relate with this being a porn watcher, now considering stopping it all together. I’ve also noticed that when I’m watching porn and ejaculating everyday I don’t have as much energy and confidence out in the real world – and just recently didn’t get a date with a HOT young woman I’ve secretly had the hots for over a year who there was clearly a connection with. I got scared after she gave me her number recently at the grocery store when I was having one of the most onnit days of my life (grounded, solid, confident, clear headed and rocking my income) and then started self sabotage with porn, too much caffeine, sweets, that led to flashbacks of trauma I endured around my mother – and when I did call to ask her out I wasn’t as confident and clear headed as when she gave me her number and she asked me if she could get back to me and I said yes and she never did.
What the hell does that mean when you ask a woman out and and she asks if “she can get back to you”?
When I don’t watch porn I always remember the 2 favorite videos I have bookmarked because the beauty and voluptuousness of women and how they are getting off in ways I dream off and you write about is possible for me to be the giver of is EXACTLY the kind of women I want to be dating in real time, but am scared of – the porn is hella safer and like you said it is being held for me.
And of course what you share happening in real time working with the material your offer is the direction I want to move in – as this recent set back was sad, a shame, and frustrating and I could see how as soon as I played myself out this woman seemed to no longer connect with (or at least I think that’s why she asked is she “could get back to me” when I know there was something going on before I lost my grip) me because I lost the connection with myself.
How about wigglin’ the worm? Drainin’ the pain? Masculine meditation in motion?
I think the biggest problem with porn is it has become ‘sex education’ for the masses. Great sex is about being completely present WITH someone that is completely present, BEING lovers rather than DOING it, being deeply connected WITH someone. Technique will never make bad sex good, not in a million years. When you add technique to presence and connection, it goes from good to incredible. Porn has nothing to do with presence and connection. What are boys learning? Before porn, most men I’m sure failed to achieve presence and connection. What chance do they have now? What about trust and respect? How about the importance of trusting not just your lover, but yourself? What do you have if you don’t feel and know deeply that you are bringing a complete and good person into the experience you are trying to share? You can’t fill yourself with emptiness. Porn is a vacuum that sucks out your heart and soul. After all is said and done, if you both don’t feel better about yourselves from the experience, sex has failed. Have people forgotten that being a lover requires love? To me, satisfaction is from what you receive and fulfillment comes from what you give. Good sex is to both have your time of power in the giving, and both to have your time of receiving. It is creating a full circle. Porn sucks. It is anti-connection. Hell, I don’t think the vast majority of men in this world throughout history ever knew deep connection even existed. So sad… how many men have ever known the joy of a woman melting into his heart and soul? “Getting some” is to feed the lie of emptiness, so it only gets bigger. Giving everything then receiving everything kills emptiness. Women are reciprocal lovers. When a man takes her where she could never go by herself, just about any woman deeply, passionately and freely wants and needs to return that pleasure with nothing held back. A man that is just trying to get some only creates a vacuum. I don’t know how women manage to put up with so much of our shit! Porn is just a symptom of emptiness.
I just had to tell you how much I loved your post.
Very good advice and totally true your emotions are different when watching porn to real life situations with woman the a arousal is slower because your brain is wired to watch others performing sex not yourself I’m impressed and have stopped watching porn
I do not consider ejaculation to be the climax of my sexual experience, and I do not allow myself to ejaculate during masturbation or when making love with my partner, although I easily could. For me it is about a deeply heartfelt connection to my partner and experiencing her orgasm through the sexual energy flowing between us. My sexual fantasy during times when I am alone and feeling sexually aroused to is to imagine such a connection with a lover. I find that by not ejaculating I can maintain erections longer and regain them much quicker than if I ejaculate. Making love, for me, is a transcendent psychedelic ecstatic experience to which sex is just a gateway into. Do you ever talk about this kind of thing?
Hey Alex, I am trying to ban porn and masturbation but I can only cut it down to once a day and even then it’s not for that long and go back to 2 a day, I’ve tried a lot of times to quit completely but it only makes it harder when I have broken down and went back to even 2-3 times a day. Do you have any advice or tips that can help me at all? I can still masturbate using imagination and without recalling clips but he hard part is stopping it.
Hey Shiv, I’ve got a book coming out in the next couple of months with some state-of-the-art solutions to help with the addiction issue. In the meantimes I suggest going to one of the support group sites (reddit/nofap, yourbrainonporn.com) and reading about the experiences other men are having and then making a firm commitment to yourself. The harder it is to quit (probably), the more you really NEED to quit in order to have a real sexual relationship with a woman.
Thanks for the great article. The last time I gave myself a low 5, my hand fell asleep. Do you think I’m still my type?
Bop the bologna… Free Willy… 😉
Hi Alex, long time since I’ve been here… One of the things I would say for any addiction – and I’ve had quite a few of them for the last 20 or so years – is to remove the shame attached to it. If you can’ stop drinking, jerking off, playing Clash of Clans, watching porn, smoking weed or anything else, start by keeping up the practice BUT do it mindfully. Every time you notice shame around it, simply note it, allow yourself to feel it, and say to yourself out loud: there is nothing to be ashamed of. Practicing daily meditation and training your mind to notice thoughts and emotions without judgement, and then bringing your attention back to the breath or the object of your meditation will work wonders. Also takes 2-3 months for the brain to rewire though.
Another thing that has worked for me has been to start playing games with my wife. Though my ED problems have gone away from gettign back to the gym and taking up yoga, there still is an ejaculation issue on regular occasions. So, when it happens, we finish off by watching each other masturbate. Of course, this takes huge mutual trust, childlike playfulness and support from your spouse, but it can actually get very fun ! This reinforces the sexual trust and emotional bond, which makes regular love-making much easier by removing a lot of the anxiety. You know you can finish off playfully that way at worst, and by removing the stress around not being able to ejaculate, you can just relax and enjoy the moment much easier.
Last piece of advice: try lubrication and relax your hand ie. stop with “death grip”. The physical sensation will be much more like intercourse and smooth things out, which will also set you straight during normal sexual intercourse.
Try these, and it will actually be fun and easy ! But I guess it only works for people in committed relationships with a very supportive partner…
I enjoyed this clip. What about using photos and videos of your significant other. We live 2000 miles apart.
Hey Troy, there really are no rules here. Some men have no issues with any of it, and some get dysfunctional pretty quickly. It’s very difficult to have a relationship with someone 2000 miles apart. Some things aren’t going to be perfect. And then you do the best with what is available to you making the most intelligent choices you can for your mental, emotional, and sexual well-being along the way.
Loving yourself…literally
Great video question is When would be the best time to masturbate before having sex with your partner
Hey Ryan, that’s entirely a question of your body, your sexual response, and your partner’s appetites. If you are with a woman who enjoys sex more often than you do, then the answer might be “almost never.” If you are 20 and you have the genetics for it, you might like to ejaculate multiple times/day… and if you’re in your 60s, you might find that your erections are at their best if you only ejaculate once per week (in which case you almost certainly want to pick up my program on having non-ejaculatory orgasms so that you can still enjoy more frequent sex and orgasms without ejaculation: http://www.revolutionarysex.com/portfolio/command-and-control)
Great video Alex
In Turkey it’s called slapping the Sargent
Here is another one
Lol one handed tango
Discovering your potential
Having a great celebration of palm sunday
Playing with the yo fidgety bob and having fun with lady thumb and her 4 daughters is great kept me busy throughout quarantine
Doing it your way , eating grapes with one armed man
Hand to gland combat