If you want to be more confident with women, then you will want to watch the video below.
The truth is, most men really struggle when it comes to being cool, natural, and confident when they are with a woman that they are attracted to. Crazy enough, some men still have this anxiety long into a relationship…
For some reason when we’re with a woman that we really, really dig, it can be hard for us to believe, on some deep and sometimes unconscious level, that we deserve her. We feel like she’ll figure that out and leave us for someone bigger, richer, more handsome, etc. (And the horrible irony is that it is exactly this kind of lack of confidence that makes women leave).
The gigantic, almost impossible problem that most men face when they feel a lack of confidence around women is that they will do a google search and find a zillion different websites, videos, articles, books, and workshops designed to teach them how to fake confidence using everything from conversational tricks to faking confident body language.
And while that can have some short-term result in “tricking” a woman into thinking you’re more confident than you are, it actually does the opposite of BUILDING you confidence… it undermines it, by demonstrating to you that YOU NEED TRICKS… you can’t authentically be confident.
This is a crazy loop that a lot of guys get into, and if they aren’t really good actors, it gets worse because they constantly experience ALMOST getting a woman, and then she figures out his game before he gets what he wants…
And, of course, if what he wants is an actual relationship, affection, a girl whose actually crazy about him and that he can just relax and have fun with… or god forbid if he actually wants LOVE… well, that shit can destroy a man and make him feel that he is alone in the world.
Other men will join the large groups of woman-hating groups out there and blame the women. After all, no matter what he does, the women reject him, they clearly disrespect him and find him unworthy of their attention… And that’s such a horrible shame because what she is rejecting, disrespecting, and finding unworthy is that fucking act that he feels like he can’t do without.
So that leaves a very difficult question:
If you are a man who didn’t win the genetic lottery and just pop out of the womb full of confidence… how can you learn to be TRULY confident? Is it even possible?
Watch the video for a great first step…
I’ll warn you in advance… the distinctions are simple, but the DOING of them can be challenging and requires commitment and practice.
But it is 100% worth the effort if you want to develop authentic, magnetic confidence with women.
There are some people out there selling programs teaching men how to flirt with women and how to banter with women (example – Marni the wing girl). These programs just teach men how to use lines to talk to women I assume. Do these programs really work? Are these programs just trying to teach men how to fake to get women? Faking it will never last I think you said before.
Hey Howard, unfortunately it’s not a simple black/white issue. There are a ton of programs out there that teach really manipulative stuff. And most teach tricks to come across as more confident than you are. Many others teach lines and routines to use to make yourself seem “interesting” to women.
The truth is, you are probably more interesting to women already than those routines and lines… but the lack of confidence makes it hard to actually be your interesting self– instead you come across as your “needy” self…
And so, yes, there is some value to some of these programs, and there’s a theory by which, if you do these things a bit — improve your body language, focus on better eye contact, smile more, have a decent line to use in the beginning — that it’s possible that this little boost can help you become more naturally confident and integrate the new body language etc into who you are naturally… And it DOES work that way for some men.
But more often than not, it backfires and makes “shy” men seem like “creepy weirdos”.
Plenty of women love shy men! But creepy weirdos they can do without.
You mentioned Marni, and for what it’s worth, I’m friends with Marni and I believe that her stuff is much better than most of the garbage out there, and it couldn’t hurt to attack the issue on multiple levels, using programs like Marni’s along with programs like mine, along with engaging a great psychoanalyst, along with hitting the gym and getting enough sleep, along with a meditation practice, etc.
This is brilliant! A total bullseye. The only thing I could add is that deep down inside, we all resist change. But nothing ever gets better without change. One of the first obstacles, and one which returns again and again, is making change our ‘normal.’ It’s what I’m wrestling with, again, these days. We have a strong tendency to defeat ourselves when something comes up which threatens the status quo. With me, I say something stupid, knowing I shouldn’t as the words come flying out of my mouth or fingers. When it comes to love, we only accept what we believe, deep down inside, we deserve. But we can always build what we believe we deserve by throwing away agendas and acting with goodwill, make the world better any way we can wherever we go. Live by that, and we gradually rewrite our belief. Before long, we find ourselves believing we deserve all things good and wonderful. When that time comes, confidence is real and has a life of its’ own. Real confidence is impossible if we believe in desperation and live as manipulators. Brilliant video! Alex, you deserve the life you are living. For whatever it’s worth, you have earned my deep respect.
Thanks Joe, I appreciate your words my friend.