Think you have the definitive answer to what makes GREAT SEX?
Think again…
Unfortunately so many couples think they’ve figured out the answer to this question, only to find out years (or even months) later, that they are bored with their partner and feeling guilty about how often they think about sex with other people…
Here’s the truth about what it REALLY takes to have great sex:
As always, I’d love to hear your feedback!
Why only snippets Alex?
It was almost like a tease.
Great stuff, but I wanted to hear more.
great ; well done as usual and spot on the mark. Some very thought provoking comments
If only I could find a woman who agreed!
Hmmm … ^_^ … 110% Agree
You’ve found one here, Chris!
Why do we keep characterising sex as dirty?
Especially great sex?
This is quite poetic Alex but doesn’t actually give much to people who are struggling. Sounds like an informed opinion piece more than anything else. I love your work but this one is not your best.
Thanks for aiming the spotlight on this issue Rosie! Why indeed?
I also called it an act of ultimately gentle giving… Why do we keep characterizing great sex like that?
Now, for me, “dirty” sex… sex that triggers some feelings of, “uh-oh, we’ll be in trouble if the adults found out we were doing something this naughty,” is a powerful turn on. And those feelings, for me at least, must be self-generated between me and my lover. Also, I can do exactly the same things and enjoy them as an experience of shame-free openness and acceptance of our sexuality.
Both are delicious flavors of love-making.
There are countless men and women out there that can really only “get off” with one or the other… or with some other thing that early on they decided: “I am a person who only enjoys sex when it’s ___________.”
I’ve met both men and women who would fill that sentence in with, “someone I don’t care about,” or “when it’s someone I love.”
My challenge to you, Rosie, is to see if you can open yourself to the possibility of what might live in the dark closet of shame, or transgression, or “dirty,” and see if you open the door a crack and let just a sliver or light inside… could you feel a little heart-racy taste of turn-on… and if you can, could you have the courage to share that with your lover?
I think you’l be surprised by how much intimacy is built when you open the doors wider on new ways of finding sexual connection…
It’s a path that leads to endless self-discovery and partner-discovery, and it’s a journey of emotional/pleasurable/intimacy excavation that never ends.
Thanks, Alex. Now if I can just get my girlfriend to think about the possibilities. At the same time, she complains about not having any libido, but she doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it.
Hey Michael, these are complex issues… I invite you to change your frame from, “The problem is…”, to “The opporunity is…”
In other words, if your life is pretty good right now, imagine what an opportunity you have for a GREAT life when you sort out this situation with your wife complaining about your libido, and her disinterest in doing anything about it.
Here are some thoughts for you two:
1) What can you do to make it emotionally SAFE for her to have the conversation with you about “her not being interested in doing anything about it”
2) Can you become interested in doing something about her not being interested in doing something about it!
3) Do YOU know what she could do increase your sexual desire for her?
4) Do you know what you could do to INSPIRE her to do those things?
5) You’re making it her fault: “she doesn’t want to do anything about it”… and I’ll bet she’s making it your fault: “He doesn’t have any libido,” and the question is, can you create an opportunity, a setting, and an intention for you guys to sit down and have a loving conversation where it’s not anybody’s fault… where the goal of the conversation is to simply understand each other and improve the possibilities for the future without ever figuring out who was actually at fault to begin with? Can you let that part go and just focus on the common goal of increasing love, understanding, and ultimately sexual enjoyment of each other?
I bet you can.
Oof! Sorry Michael, my girl just pointed out that I read your comment wrong. And just when I thought I was being all brilliant and Buddha-like!
That said… I think you can still take a look at the (excellent, if I do say so myself) advice above, and figure out how it applies to your girlfriend’s low libido.
I assure you, it still fits, and there is something that she is just aching for you to do… something that she has lost hope of even wishing for… something that would bring tears of joy to her eyes, and that would make her eager to work on improving your sex life.
Check out the post here on the blog called, “Sensuality, Teasing, & Doing Foreplay Right”. I think it will give you some ideas.
Spot on, Alex. It is all of these things. I’ve always found that truly great sex transcends just the physical. It incorporates many intellectual and emotional as well as physical elements and results in an experience that is deeply spiritual in nature.
Well said Alex, I simply Adore that.Raw, Natural,.Uninhibited, Heavy Duty Hard Core Complete Immersion in PASSION To where the slowest hint of a pull of your partners lip with your tongue and gentle teeth causes you to melt against them…and the pleasure you receive from even a fraction of a movement from your partner during a long slow screw causes you to catch your breath you feel each other in every atom of your body as you no longer have waves of wet orgasms you have become a gushing waterfall… no longer able to hear or even think ..only feel you and your partner have both come out of your heads.. and become One Body tuned to the Exclusion of all else…SuzyGSpot
Agreed. It’s everything, not just one thing. That was the point of the video, I’m pretty sure Rosie.
It’s dirty and it’s clean!
Hey Zanther, glad to see you commenting here on the new site!
You are so full of it.
Alex, is giving us a window-of-opportunity of what it can be like when we can enjoy our sexuality, at a higher level when we enter into a meditative state of ecstasy.
Great job Alex!
I especially liked the part about not putting yourself in a box and by doing that not limiting the things you can experience, the rest is our decision!
Thanks a lot.
I am showing this to my man and saying, “yes, please, ALL OF THAT” LOL. I will play grunge or dubstep when I want it wooly, and Barry or Marvin or maybe some Keith Sweat when I need it soulful. Or we can keep it interesting n just roll dice, lol! Oh yeah, time to wake the neighbors.
You had me smiling with this one, Alex. I could feel your passion, and my own. I appreciate your commitment to invite all of us into a passionate physical experience, again and again! BTW, I loved your interview that came with Revolutionary Sex. My (new) boyfriend and I stopped it a few times to discuss certain points.
You are a class act, and I have been a fan since the days when you gave your talks sitting at a desk. I appreciate over the years watching you come alive by expressing your passion! And I appreciate all I’ve learned about me, my body and my passion in these few years. I’m grateful!
~M
Hi Alex,
Great content, I am from Australia and have only recently become aware of you and what you do. I have always been fascinated by human sexuality and how so many people get it screwed up (pardon the pun ) which given the level of both sexual and mental abuse it really is no wonder that so many woman don’t orgasm, so many men have performance problems and there is so much dysfunction out there. I am 56 ( the youngest 56 year old you will ever meet ) and I see these problems are increased with the ageing process after we reach 40 to 45 and although I have read extensively in the past anything I could find on all the topics you cover it has only been recently that I have seriously thought about helping people in this area especially the 40 plus age group. As a coach I so get the importance of working with the mind so that one can get rid of the limiting thoughts that keep them stuck, working with the body so it can function at it’s highest level and the difference in what is needed as one ages.
I look forward to receiving more informative material and when I get my web site up and running I would certainly be interested in your affiliate program.
Regards,
Derrick Booth
great sex cannot help but be so. It is “Helpless” as the Neil Young song goes. “I” disappears, even “we” disappear
as the passionate abyss opens and informs every molecule of our bodies and such music transports us, wild and still.
It is dangerous because we are never the same again. beyond time and yet present to every moment, every nuance,
every breath. Thanks, Alex, for being such a stand for stepping outside the box and inviting us to source life from the erotic. no wonder it’s called “falling” in love.
My partner and I stumbled over here by a different page and thought I should check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking at your web page again.
Thanks Alex! You are spot on. That is exactly what I think great sex is and I’m glad to see there is someone else out there that thinks the same way.
I wish my partner would see things that way. Every time we get into a discussion about sex or what I think great sex is or can be, he always has the same 2 comments, “what the hell do you know about it, it’s not like you’ve had a lot of experience with only 2 partners in your life” and my absolute favorite, “what’s wrong with you, are you crazy or are you turning into a nympho”. What can I say, sometimes you learn to just ignore the ignorance. LOL.
Seriously though, the kicker, if you’ve had multiple partners your a whore, if you haven’t had multiple partners you’re inexperienced and a schmuck. Same goes if you are comfortable in your own skin and not only know what you like sexually but you actually ask for it. At least for women anyway. The double standard sucks.
Again, Alex, thanks for the video and your comments. It really is much appreciated.
Is there hypnosis in this program? Because Id rather be tied up and caned than hypnotized.
Nope, no hypnosis.
Wow!! After hearing this, I can honestly say I’ve never had great sex. EVER. I don’t see how this kind of passion could exist after 5, 10, 20 years of being with the same person. If it DOES exist, I’d like to know how I can go about it. No offense Alex but I don’t see how a book or a few videos are going to change the “will to change” of many of our partners, either man or woman. Convincing the hubby will be the woman’s greatest challenge especially when said hubby won’t even look at the material you have so consciously and selflessly put together for us. Miraculous strategies are what we require in books and videos Alex; subliminal methods, something cosmic like that. Just once would I like to be with a man (hubby or not hubby) selflessly and lovingly work at giving me my first vaginal orgasm before and during sex, or any kind of orgasm for that matter. It is no surprise to me why women (or men) cheat. Great work on all your material Alex.